well, you know, it really is. i feel sad and regretful and strangely...old. strong urges to discuss this with someone are tempered by the fact that i'd have to explain two hundred thousand preceding thoughts-events-conversations that led to this point and i'm not sure i can.
(here, (but not for the first time) understand the appeal of therapists. i mean, someone who knows all about you and to whom you can talk about the big-new-thing in your life without explaining? i'd pay for that.)
was it something she said? i didn't think so, at the time. now i think little motes of someone else's opinions might affect you more than you'd expect them to. or be prepared for them to. even if you dismiss them as opinions of someone who doesn't really know.
(here, understand the importance of gossip and hearsay as key elements to generic opinion-forming. have i had the short end of the stick before? sure. but has somebody's point of view from the other side corresponded to opinions of people who've only heard your side? yes. see? the power of multiple opinions.)
funny. i'm over somebody and i don't really care if he knows it. that's new. it happened calmly and quietly and unexpectedly and i'm still not wholly certain it's happened. it hasn't stopped the other thoughts, but the one great big thought has gone.
i feel mature and adult-like, and that realization was the one that made me the saddest.
my inner wild child reproaches me.
(here, (but not for the first time) understand the appeal of therapists. i mean, someone who knows all about you and to whom you can talk about the big-new-thing in your life without explaining? i'd pay for that.)
was it something she said? i didn't think so, at the time. now i think little motes of someone else's opinions might affect you more than you'd expect them to. or be prepared for them to. even if you dismiss them as opinions of someone who doesn't really know.
(here, understand the importance of gossip and hearsay as key elements to generic opinion-forming. have i had the short end of the stick before? sure. but has somebody's point of view from the other side corresponded to opinions of people who've only heard your side? yes. see? the power of multiple opinions.)
funny. i'm over somebody and i don't really care if he knows it. that's new. it happened calmly and quietly and unexpectedly and i'm still not wholly certain it's happened. it hasn't stopped the other thoughts, but the one great big thought has gone.
i feel mature and adult-like, and that realization was the one that made me the saddest.
my inner wild child reproaches me.
No comments:
Post a Comment