snakes in the grass

darling, how can i explain to you?

i am not afraid of death. i do not feel as others do, the jerk of near deaths passing me by. all i have ever felt is glad that it was only near.

perhaps it is naive of me to say so: i, who have never been anywhere nearer real human death than the corpses of one grandfather i never met and another i barely knew.

it is only that i have seen the people who are left behind, and it is they who evoke my sympathy and pain and understanding. it is harder to be the one who doesn't move on.

i do worry. i do freak out. i worry that you will leave, while still alive; that all my shenanigans will not prove appealing enough to your wandering spirit. i fear i will lose you. (i, not you. i will lose.)

for all that i love you, my darling, almost all my concerns are purely selfish. how startling the thought! it makes me at once both ashamed and proud.

i am a fool.

that's all.

no fool like and old fool.

secret fool. lying fool. how many more kinds?

a song for you

love, i love.
and i miss you, while you find ways to let things out of your head into the clay that is your life; and i miss you, while you work so hard you do not call me, because you do not think of me at all, because you do not think of anything at all; and i miss you, while i wander through my days plucking adventures out of thin air and wishing you were here for me to share them with.
and you are not here, and i miss you.

it is a pretty pretty world and i wonder sometimes that it took me so long to see the things that were in front of my face all along.

love!

is pain for foolish reasons.
but it's happier than otherwise. :)

In truth, a man with a turn replaces ducks and makes me happy (7)
:D
<3