perhaps a therapist

I've gone back to the fringes of my life, tired and ashamed and unconfident (this is not a word). I am scared, more than I have ever been; and I cannot find it in me to believe things will turn out well. I wish there were someone here I could ask, someone I could talk to, someone to believe in me. Too many people have believed in my potential unquestioningly, and now, when I am at my worst, I need someone to look at this mess I'm in and still believe. Who will do this? Nobody, because I'm not telling anybody.
You see the contradiction?
And just when I need them the most, none of them is here, not one. Not one. Not one. Though I call and call and call, not one.

Hurts.