brood

disjoint bereft lost. he's gone. i think the words are gone. i fear they are; i fear the sentences won't come any more. i don't want to think curse, i don't, don't think it - it makes no sense. i think i'm miserable. i think i miss him - i think i lost a voice i had when he was around. how do i speak again? how will i? what will i say that i haven't already said a million times over? where is the person i thought i was? was she only someone i pretended to be for that time, like a pleasant friendly personality donned for the sake of making friendly?
read, someone says. read. reading is lovely. it is, isn't it? lovely. you need to find something you can read without associations. read without thinking read something to take your mind off things relax let go GET OUT.

i'm not ready to make new friends, i think.