with some low self-esteem

I forget, sometimes, that he likes wandering around commenting on other people's blogs. If I had remembered, it might not have affected me exactly the way it did. I speculate, however; the truth is that it affected me badly enough that I regressed three whole months to Christmas.
Oh, dear.
Oh dear.
(Which one is the one I mean? One wishes one knew English grammar officially. One likes the sound "one" makes in one's head.)

I'm so tempted to reach out again. Even if it is just to ask how he is doing, or what he's doing - or to talk about my sad little life, like in the old days. I know how much I want this, and I am almost certain that it is just exactly the reason I must not...
New acquaintances have been sowing seeds of perspective in the opposite direction, and it has been unpleasant and discouraging. It is hard to cope with a truth that convinces you that nothing you can say or do can ever change the circumstances, isn't it? Very bleak. How stubborn and insurmountable other humans are, sometimes.

Oh, I wish so much.
Question: would I be feeling this way if I hadn't been by?
Answer:

But everyone knows the answer to a question like that.