Friday, July 25, 2008

the right decision

'A jerk—of a jerk—to a jerk—a jerk—O jerk!'

'thanks and goodbye' was the right phrase, i think. thanks for all the before. goodbye for all the after. really, i don't know why i ever put up with that crap except for the very simple standard usual oh-of-course reason. i have made a decision, and now all i require is a great deal of determination and a willingness to believe that it does not matter to me even if the person i'm no longer going to speak to doesn't know it. and will not. or why.
i make no sense. must i make sense? yes, so i will remember the lessons later. here are the lessons:
  1. i will not let somebody, even if i will insist on remembering them in better circumstances, treat me as though i am stupid, immature, or incapable of being rational.
  2. i will not let myself pine over happier times that the other person involved in obviously does not remember or does not think important, meaningful or special in any way.
  3. i will not allow myself to hope for better when all i get from a person is a very cold shoulder.
  4. i will not be the victim. will not, will not, will not. victims are meant only as objects of derision.
  5. i will not not not push my anger away simply because i love somebody.
bastard. you damned bastard. how dared you treat me this way?

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