Once I thought we were friends. I thought there was something we had that we'd never lose, that would always remind us of the things we'd shared. I thought all the things you told me meant you cared, but I was wrong.
You did not love me or trust me enough to say, "Baby, I'm falling in love with your best friend. Isn't it fabulous?"
And all the little words that might have made it better I had to tell myself because you didn't (or couldn't, or wouldn't) - that you would always care, that you would always be there; that you loved me no less because you loved her more.
And all these things I told myself, and all these things I told myself, through all the lonely nights when I felt alone and rejected and forgotten; and it took me all I had to do what you could have done with just the least of your time and effort and concern.
You pretended nothing had changed. Did you care so little for me that you could not share what you were going through? Did you have such a low opinion of me that you could not trust me with your life? And all that time I thought I'd done something wrong, ah me, oh my, silly little self-centred always about me. And you told me nothing, gave me nothing; just tossed out some empty sentences with nothing behind them - sops to the dog.
And you never thought that I would be better off knowing whatever was going on; rather than stuck behind your stupid chinese walls. And you never gave a second thought to anything I might be thinking of or going through; and you left me confused and hurt and blaming myself. And for that I have not forgiven; and I have not forgotten.
Is everyone who hurts me going to pretend they didn't?
You did not love me or trust me enough to say, "Baby, I'm falling in love with your best friend. Isn't it fabulous?"
And all the little words that might have made it better I had to tell myself because you didn't (or couldn't, or wouldn't) - that you would always care, that you would always be there; that you loved me no less because you loved her more.
And all these things I told myself, and all these things I told myself, through all the lonely nights when I felt alone and rejected and forgotten; and it took me all I had to do what you could have done with just the least of your time and effort and concern.
You pretended nothing had changed. Did you care so little for me that you could not share what you were going through? Did you have such a low opinion of me that you could not trust me with your life? And all that time I thought I'd done something wrong, ah me, oh my, silly little self-centred always about me. And you told me nothing, gave me nothing; just tossed out some empty sentences with nothing behind them - sops to the dog.
And you never thought that I would be better off knowing whatever was going on; rather than stuck behind your stupid chinese walls. And you never gave a second thought to anything I might be thinking of or going through; and you left me confused and hurt and blaming myself. And for that I have not forgiven; and I have not forgotten.
Is everyone who hurts me going to pretend they didn't?
3 comments:
"Is everyone who hurts me going to pretend they didn't?"
You seem to know a lot of such people. Anyway, sorry about whatever happened. I'm afraid "they" will pretend that way.
And sorry for one more thing. When I was reading this, I couldn't help Martin Sheen's voice, as narrator, from 'Apocalypse now' coming to my mind.
All people that hurt other people DO pretend they didnt. That's the way it works,doesnt it. Why would they acknowledge that they're hurting someone.
I cant say I really relate to what you felt, but I've been hurt in other circumstances, and I can assure you..they all pretend like they've done nothing, some even stop talking to you if you make even the slightest noise about it.
They're not worth your time, sweetie.
No questions on this blog.
It is my free therapy. Every time I write here I feel better :)
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