I fear this will come out sounding bitter and miserable and self-pitying, but at this moment I do not believe I feel very much more than curious.
Is everyone as ready to be deceived as I am? Do they, too, go over the same old memories over and over until they're warped beyond all recognition and coloured by every dream they want to see fulfilled? Is every moment in the past brought forward to fit in with the idea of the present?
How much of what I feel is real and how much just the ravings of a wishful imagination? Is recognizing the possibility a step in the right direction, even if no move is made to change anything?
Someone said things a lifetime ago that I listened to with half an ear and then immediately forgot about - until I saw them again yesterday. I do not remember all I felt, but I remember enough. Do we miss messages when we're not listening? If they're not important and never repeated, may we not leave them forgotten?
Does what was said four months ago matter at this moment?
For all I ask and pry and plead, I get nothing but blank walls and neat evasions and pleasant conversation. Should I not stop pushing myself forward?
Should I not stop believing?
Is everyone as ready to be deceived as I am? Do they, too, go over the same old memories over and over until they're warped beyond all recognition and coloured by every dream they want to see fulfilled? Is every moment in the past brought forward to fit in with the idea of the present?
How much of what I feel is real and how much just the ravings of a wishful imagination? Is recognizing the possibility a step in the right direction, even if no move is made to change anything?
Someone said things a lifetime ago that I listened to with half an ear and then immediately forgot about - until I saw them again yesterday. I do not remember all I felt, but I remember enough. Do we miss messages when we're not listening? If they're not important and never repeated, may we not leave them forgotten?
Does what was said four months ago matter at this moment?
For all I ask and pry and plead, I get nothing but blank walls and neat evasions and pleasant conversation. Should I not stop pushing myself forward?
Should I not stop believing?
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