for the boy

I want to tell him. I need to tell him, I have to tell him. Telling him to his face, though, that’s way too contrived. So, internet (sorry, drew) it’ll have to be through you.

I want to tell him thank you.

Thank you, thank you. You don’t know what you’ve done (frankly, I don’t know what you’ve done). Suffice it to say you broke my block. You did it, and I haven’t a clue how, but I know it was you. I used to have a problem with giving other people in my life credit for my achievements. Thank you mom and dad, but the rest, that’s all me.
(My creativity, my effort, my hard work, then why should I give you credit just because you’re the boss of me?)

Not this time, though. Sure, it was still more or less all my hard work, and my creativity and my ideas, but I swear, none of this would have seen the light of day if I hadn’t met you. They would have remained nascent sparks in my brain, ideas that slowly slipped away until all I would have had left would have been a fleeting memory of a good thought. And I already have far too many of those, babe.
You broke down the barrier I’d built up – the one that always screened my writing, through the eyes of conservative family. The one that hesitated to say fuck or sex, that skirted issues and reluctantly let the more controversial thoughts go. The one that always read my work through the eyes of my parents before the words reached the page. You let me write what I needed to write; and for that, thank you, thank you a thousand time over.
I don’t think it’s gonna change in a day. Believe me, I know. I know I’m still editing as I write, still replacing the crystal with the obscure, the clear with the hinted.
But some things should be hinted, I think. And I think it’ll be a while before I let family see my writing. Writing tells far far too much about a person. It lays bare things you never knew about yourself; the best means of self-analysis there is. I’m gonna wait until I’m confident enough to take others’ analysis before I let them see mine.
One final note before I close – thank you. It can never be said enough.