Wednesday, August 16, 2006

presentiment

and it's now that i really really need it.
how will i? cannot tell, and cannot think, and it's all so bloody WRONG. I know, in my head, how messy it would have gotten. I know, logically, how unsuited we were. I know, when i think about it, that i did all the right things.
I know this, and still, there is a little part that will revisit the whole bloody thing, over and over all apurpose, just to see if the pain is still around.
and it always is.
with all of them. two of them. only two? only two. actually, just the one. the other has faded. as will this. i want it to, i do. sort of almost not quite. am i so unworthy? must i do this every second day?
here is the big big secret, my dear: i've always known what it was to be in love. what i never knew is what it felt like to be the one on the other side.

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