someday i will ask him what it was about her. someday i will ask what it was about me. someday i will find out all the gruesome details. until then there will always be a part of me that flinches.
and that day i will not have them singing at me.
i have to be careful.
in the meantime.
my homie is a babe. so is my babe.
i have to be careful.
*sigh*
boys are painful joys.
i dance. happiness is easy. happiness is not a pleasant feeling. it is a groovy scary scoopy weepy high. why would anyone ever need anything but their own minds to be happy?
why is it easier for me to feel happy after a job well done? why can i not care about the result? why can't i be indifferent, and take the ups as i take the downs? why must failure always be so oppressive and success so uplifting? and why do i hate competition so? because someone always loses. why does it matter to me? why can't i accept that people lose? because i can't. i can't losing is not a good thing. not coming first is alright. but when there are winners, there are losers. LOSERS. ahhhhh. i hate competition. life should all be about the play, where every person is only the sum of their talents and potential and performance, and comparisons are not drawn to find winners and losers. idealism is very amusing from the outside. they are all amused. so am i, sometimes. would i rather not, i wonder. i guess i'm glad i can be both inside and out. perspectives shift, and life is always interesting. what more can i ask for?
love, maybe? but i can live without it.
for now.
and this is the list. am i crazy??
some devil, come pick me up, teardrop, always in my head, tiny vessels, hard time killing floor blues, i know, the scientist, transatlanticism, amy hit the atmosphere, the maker makes.
masochistic, apparently.
damn right there is, but we can't talk about it now.
but how beautiful is music, love. yes and yes, always and always. good night and good luck.
yes and yes and yes and yes as many times as i can think it.
and that day i will not have them singing at me.
i have to be careful.
in the meantime.
my homie is a babe. so is my babe.
i have to be careful.
*sigh*
boys are painful joys.
i dance. happiness is easy. happiness is not a pleasant feeling. it is a groovy scary scoopy weepy high. why would anyone ever need anything but their own minds to be happy?
why is it easier for me to feel happy after a job well done? why can i not care about the result? why can't i be indifferent, and take the ups as i take the downs? why must failure always be so oppressive and success so uplifting? and why do i hate competition so? because someone always loses. why does it matter to me? why can't i accept that people lose? because i can't. i can't losing is not a good thing. not coming first is alright. but when there are winners, there are losers. LOSERS. ahhhhh. i hate competition. life should all be about the play, where every person is only the sum of their talents and potential and performance, and comparisons are not drawn to find winners and losers. idealism is very amusing from the outside. they are all amused. so am i, sometimes. would i rather not, i wonder. i guess i'm glad i can be both inside and out. perspectives shift, and life is always interesting. what more can i ask for?
love, maybe? but i can live without it.
for now.
and this is the list. am i crazy??
some devil, come pick me up, teardrop, always in my head, tiny vessels, hard time killing floor blues, i know, the scientist, transatlanticism, amy hit the atmosphere, the maker makes.
masochistic, apparently.
damn right there is, but we can't talk about it now.
but how beautiful is music, love. yes and yes, always and always. good night and good luck.
yes and yes and yes and yes as many times as i can think it.
No comments:
Post a Comment